Friday, July 14, 2006

Garnished Greed
All of the ultra-conservative kooks in (and out of) Ohio are throwing their support behind Ken Blackwell because of his hate-filled, homophobic agenda.

Especially Rod Parsley, the bible-school dropout and millionaire televangelist, who has built a considerable personal fortune from the well-intentioned donations of his loyal followers (i.e. viewers).

I bring up Mr. Parsley’s political ties only because it fits in with the theme of my last few posts and it provides a nice segue into what I really want to talk about: the most hilarious thing I’ve seen on TV in months.

And I will get to that in a second. First, let’s go to Wikipedia to find out why people send money to Rod Parsley…

From Wikepedia:

Parsley encourages a variation on the Biblical concept called tithing. Though tithing is taught by many pastors, the view held by Parsley (and common among televangelists) is that if one tithes, in exchange God will provide virtually unlimited blessings (usually emphasized as being monetary in nature), a variation of word of faith theology.

In other words, Parsley tells his TV viewers: give me money and God will bless you. In the segment I saw, it seemed more like: give me money or God WON’T bless you.

And here it is…

On July 7th, 2006, my Tivo recorded four and a half minutes of Rod Parsley telling his audience that God wants them to donate $120 to help free slaves in Sudan.

It went like this…

As long as there are innocent brothers and sisters
held in unspeakable conditions
and the horror of slavery
I will not rest .
And I pray... neither will YOU.

MY GUEST- I believe God has brought you
to his kingdom for such a time as this:
when innocent children are crying out in prayer,
asking for God to send a deliverer,
God has assigned YOU to be the answer to their prayer.

And I believe God, by the holy spirit,
is speaking to THREE HUNDRE PEOPLE right now
to be one of Gideon’s army
who will help bring freedom to three abused suffering people
as YOU sow the seed of your own deliverance of $120.00.

When YOU need a miracle, as I know many of you do...

When you need a miracle, God will ALWAYS give YOU an instruction. Because of YOUR immediate, compassionate response of $120 - I'm speaking to 300 people -
three Sudanese captives in slavery will be freed from their tormentors.

Three Hundred, right now, uncommon people to sow an uncommon seed of $120
to reap an uncommon harvest of freedom for tormented brothers and sisters
held today by terrorist captors in Sudan.


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