Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Need an Excuse
This message was on the answering machine last week.

It made me laugh the first time I heard it.

Now I find it kind of sad.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Doppler 2 Million
The weather is, by far, the least sexiest part of the news. (unless, of course, you are watching 60 minutes- then it’s the part with Andy Rooney.)

That’s because the weather report contains the same information on every channel, in every city, every night- all around the world.

Is it going to rain in Cairo? What’s the temperature going to be in Albany? It’s the same information- every time.

So how do you get people to watch YOUR weather report?

The answer, of course, is numbers. Large, made-up, impressive sounding numbers.

Branding things with big, meaningless numbers is a tried-and-true method for marketing all kinds of products including Cars (the Ford 500’s horsepower is only 203), fireworks (the m-80 contains only 50 mg of powder) and even guns (the m-16’s caliber is only 5.56mm).

Why should local weather forecasts be an exception?

In New York City, the local TV marketing gurus have jumped on to the number wagon. The local CBS affiliate’s weather radar is now branded:
Doppler 2 Million (even though it only has only 1 million watts of power).

Like all casual weather report viewers, my first reaction was: “Shit, man- that’s A LOT of Dopplers.”

Here in Central Ohio, they are still trying to catch up. The best we have is 10TV (CBS) – with something called Doppler 10 (again- they only 9000 watts of power).

The other stations must not have received the Doppler memo. NBC’s lamely named “First Doppler” is still much better than ABC’s super-generic “AccuWeather” forecast.

Trends, as they say, seem to start on the coasts and work their way inward.

If that is true, then it shouldn’t be too long before Ohio’s weather forecasts are Doppler-Branded in the Millions as well.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Bad News Hair
The Bad News Bears (1976) is probably the only sports movie that I ever really liked.

I liked it for one reason: The kid (Kelly) with the dirt bike and the cool hair.

Thinking about growing my hair out again, I decided to go for Kelly's greasy, over-the-ear look.


I went to IMDB to get a picture- and found myself faced with this:

Holy Crap! The kid with the cool hair is BALD.

Now what am I supposed to do?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Hood Dunnit
Last week Ohio State Rep. Ron Hood and 9 other homophobic house members introduced a bill “to prohibit an adoptive or foster child from being placed in the private residence of a homosexual, bisexual, or transgender person.”

Bigoted Ohio State Rep. Ron Hood

A ridiculous, hate-filled bill sponsored by Ron Hood… was anyone really surprised?

This is just the most recent in a series of divisive, partisan measures sponsored by Hood during the current General Assembly session. ( See a list below ).

Join the Buckeye Senate Bloggers and “call these bigots and ask them if they are going to adopt the children their bill will leave behind.”


Ron was also involved in proposing measures to:

"identify, as a… matter of statewide concern, the right of any person… to own … a firearm "
"declare that it is the public policy of the state to prefer childbirth over abortion."
"enable persons who are sixteen … to obtain … hunting licenses", "authorize public and nonpublic schools to offer a course in firearm safety and marksmanship" BUT "require school districts and community schools that receive donated copies of the mottoes of the United States of America (In God We Trust) or the State of Ohio (With God, All Things Are Possible) to display the mottoes in school buildings. "

“repeal the ‘Journalist exception’ to the provision that otherwise makes confidential the records ... regarding concealed handgun licenses"
"require physicians to complete and submit ... an individual abortion report for each abortion performed".

create "One Nation Under God" license plates
forbid money from Breast Cancer license plates to be used “for abortion information, counseling, services, or other abortion-related activities.”

“Eliminate the restrictions … for the carrying of a concealed firearm… into institutions of higher education, places of worship, child day-care centers and family day-care homes, and state and local public buildings.”
“prohibit the use of public funds or facilities for ... abortions”

Oh, and my personal favorite:
“prohibit a person from knowingly discharging a laser into the cockpit of an aircraft.”

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Fuck Your Ass Up
My girlfriend recently got a new cell phone. The first message that she received was not, as you might expect, from the Patrolmen's Benevolent Association. Instead, it was a hilarious, threatening message from some young NY girl that, roughly translated, went something like this:

[girl's name] you fucking bitch. Next time I see you with my man, I'm gonna fuck your ass up. Yeah. Come to school tomorrow- I'm gonna fuck your ass up.

Listen to the Message

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

The Great Seal of the State of Ohio

I grew up here in Ohio- and have seen this Great Seal my whole life. I remember learning, in Ohio Studies class, about the significance of each object on the seal e.g. there are 17 arrows because Ohio was the 17th state. The wheat for agriculture. Lots of rivers. The mountain? Well... maybe- somewhere near West Virginia. You get the point.

The seal is fine- as far as seals go. Lots of sybols inside a circle.

The words around the circle, however, always confused me. Actually- just one word: Great.

Notice that it is not "The Seal of the Great State of Ohio"- as you would expect.

It's the "Great Seal".

Like I said- the seal is fine. It certainly doesn't suck. But great?

My seventh grade Ohio Studies teacher didn't know why the seal was so great- and, so it seems, neither does the Department of Transportation.